How We Act: Understate!
/By Don Varyu
Apr 2026
In previous articles in this issue (Ear and Eye, True and Cruel) we’ve explored how the nature of the media we consume changes the culture…and how it determines who we choose to lead us.
And your media can also change you.
That’s because digital media are not just things you choose to employ. Even if you try to avoid them you can’t. The tentacles of online posts, texts and social media will surround you…envelope you….and digest you. Eventually, you are someone different.
How does this happen? And how do you fight it?
here’s no need to go into deep detail on the problem. We all know the negative impacts of our digital environment—especially on young people. And “information” is changed, too. As the legacy news media continue to disgorge audiences to digital alternatives, what is lost is actual news reporting. Facts blend into the background. It is replaced by “takes”, opinion pieces, and conspiracy theories.
Meanwhile, with our entertainment media, we are trapped in an ever-darker bubble of deviancy, coarsness and cruelty --thingsthat not long ago would have been banned on any publicly viewable screen.
So, to briefly summarize:
The algorhythms of social media platforms are maximized to promote rage…because rage builds engagement—and engagement builds ad revenue.
The anonymity of online commenters gives them license to freely say anything they want—no matter how outrageous, no matter how unsubstantiated or untrue.
The “transition” of information delivery from “traditional” to “emerging” platforms--such as podcasts, YouTube, and TikTok—often dilutes and defies the real world.
The depiction of physical violence and even murder in graphic forms now permeates movies and streaming services. Gruesome rules. We become desensitized.
The nature of “reality” TV also celebrates violence, torture, blood, gore, noise, mayhem, fear and emotional suffering. Our video diet is filled with crashing vehicles, slamming wrestlers, and “contestants” who “win” competitions by best lying. cheating and deceiving others. Winners aren’t better; they’re just better at being bad.
Glitz rules. Celebrities convince influencers that success is marked by Botox, biceps and Birken bags.
Above all—be loud. Literally. There are play-by-play sports announcers who can go an entire game never lowering their voices to a conversational tone—and never pause to take a breath.
Now, at this point you could simply write this off as the rant of an old guy who doesn’t understand the modern world. After all, age is not just a number.
But my my numerous years also allow me to know a time when things were less faux and more real. And trust me on this—real is better.
o what does this mean for the way you should/could lead your life? As previously described, “authenticity” is not just a secret sauce for politicians. It can work for you.
A few basic thoughts:
Be informed. Have your facts straight. Use them to defeat the loudmouth and the bully.
What you think is far less compelling than what you know.
Keep your approach low key. Listen. Don’t interrupt. Let your friends and your accomplishments testify to your value. Your depiction of yourself will be less convincing.
Don’t condemn. No one likes to feel demeaned just because of amy group to which they might belong (profession, gender, race, age, geography, etc.) But people can take offense individually, as well. To avoid that, use the classical rhetorical technique of “concession.” In short, this means not beginning a response with something like, “you’re an idiot!” (no matter how much you may know that’s true!) Much better is, “I agree with you when you say xxxxx…but at the same time I have to add xxxxx.” With this approach, you build a bridge to potential agreement…which will never happen when your lead is insult or outrage.
Realize the limits of your wonderfulness. Trust that other people simply don’t care so much about where you went, what you wore and what you ate. Too much of this only promotes FOMO, jealousy, and even a little bitterness. I’m not saying you have to boycott Instagram. Just tone it down. All your family and friends want to know is that you’re happy. So tell them when you are. And even when you’re not.
Accept that you’re just not going to win them all.
e all swim in a cultural cesspool that dares you to try to stand out—but then pulls you under when you inevitably fail. Some people may believe, “fake it ‘til you make it.” But making it can be transitory—or never come at all. But “fake” may never wear off you.
“Real” lives inside you…not around you.
The best way to stand out is not trying to stand out.
